Top Ten | Reality Shows We're Glad Never Made It
Issue date: 2/21/08 Section: Weekender
Like most Americans, we at the Daily breathed a big sigh of relief when the television writers finally went back to work last week. Though we're sure you appreciated our in-depth coverage of shows such as "American Gladiators," we're excited to have the opportunity to pretend we're respectable journalists again. As we say farewell to the trashy reality and game shows that swept the airwaves during those long months, we are thankful not only for the promising return of our favorite shows, but also for the fact that the following terrible ideas were never made into terrible shows.
10. Biggest Life Loser: America's contest to become the Biggest Life Loser! Instead of losing weight, contestants compete to out-loser each other. Events include couch-sitting, staying in on weekends and the Quiet Room after 1 a.m. Congratulations, you've finally accomplished something: you're a huge loser!
9. Iron Chef Cambodia: One Iron Chef. One challenger. One hour. Six dishes. One dog, a pound of rice, curry and a bottle of fermented fish paste. GO.
8. Jamie Lynn Spears' Motherhood: She can't put a condom on her boyfriend; can she put her child in a car seat? Stay tuned to find out if the baby attends senior prom, and if it's socially acceptable to breastfeed during high school graduation.
7. Prose vs. Hoes: In each episode, trashy women in skimpy clothing (only some are actually from New Jersey) attempt to understand a work of literary art. The ladies' previous occupations did not require a college degree, and the literary work usually wins, but in the end everybody loses.
6. Guantánamo Bay Moment of Truth: What could be better than strapping yourself to a lie detector in front of your loved ones? What if your answers could save American lives? Tune in as Guantánamo's deadliest terrorists are asked embarrassing questions in front of their friends and family. The winner doesn't get tortured. Is it unconstitutional? No! It's good TV!
5. Legends of the Hidden Temple '08: This probably shouldn't be on this list because we're sure that 90 percent of Tufts students would have much rather seen this show brought back than "American Gladiators."
4. TV True Life: I'm thinking about buying a futon. Just thinking about it - I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment. The dog would just pee on it anyway.
3. My Dog Is Smarter Than Your Dog: Forget fifth graders and competing dads. We all know it's our canines that really represent whether we can hold our own on a game show. Bet your schnauzer can't solve a Rubix Cube in under 10 minutes.
2. Survivor Williamsburg: Jeff Probst hosts as 16 trendy hopefuls try to make it through the harsh and unforgiving terrain of Brooklyn's hippest neighborhood. Challenges include eating an entire non-vegan muffin in one sitting and wearing a pair of Jnco jeans for a day.
1. The Golden Girls Next Door: Bea Arthur and Betty White prancing around in bikinis? Fap City, population: this guy.
10. Biggest Life Loser: America's contest to become the Biggest Life Loser! Instead of losing weight, contestants compete to out-loser each other. Events include couch-sitting, staying in on weekends and the Quiet Room after 1 a.m. Congratulations, you've finally accomplished something: you're a huge loser!
9. Iron Chef Cambodia: One Iron Chef. One challenger. One hour. Six dishes. One dog, a pound of rice, curry and a bottle of fermented fish paste. GO.
8. Jamie Lynn Spears' Motherhood: She can't put a condom on her boyfriend; can she put her child in a car seat? Stay tuned to find out if the baby attends senior prom, and if it's socially acceptable to breastfeed during high school graduation.
7. Prose vs. Hoes: In each episode, trashy women in skimpy clothing (only some are actually from New Jersey) attempt to understand a work of literary art. The ladies' previous occupations did not require a college degree, and the literary work usually wins, but in the end everybody loses.
6. Guantánamo Bay Moment of Truth: What could be better than strapping yourself to a lie detector in front of your loved ones? What if your answers could save American lives? Tune in as Guantánamo's deadliest terrorists are asked embarrassing questions in front of their friends and family. The winner doesn't get tortured. Is it unconstitutional? No! It's good TV!
5. Legends of the Hidden Temple '08: This probably shouldn't be on this list because we're sure that 90 percent of Tufts students would have much rather seen this show brought back than "American Gladiators."
4. TV True Life: I'm thinking about buying a futon. Just thinking about it - I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment. The dog would just pee on it anyway.
3. My Dog Is Smarter Than Your Dog: Forget fifth graders and competing dads. We all know it's our canines that really represent whether we can hold our own on a game show. Bet your schnauzer can't solve a Rubix Cube in under 10 minutes.
2. Survivor Williamsburg: Jeff Probst hosts as 16 trendy hopefuls try to make it through the harsh and unforgiving terrain of Brooklyn's hippest neighborhood. Challenges include eating an entire non-vegan muffin in one sitting and wearing a pair of Jnco jeans for a day.
1. The Golden Girls Next Door: Bea Arthur and Betty White prancing around in bikinis? Fap City, population: this guy.
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