Top Ten | Things to Put on the Library Roof
Issue date: 3/6/08 Section: Weekender
Though we're all excited about the "Harmony in the Age of Noise" project on the library roof, it is only a temporary exhibition, and the roof will once again be empty. But why shouldn't the spirit of putting something on the library roof live on? Thus, we at the Daily present our top 10 ideas for things to put on the library roof.
10. A painting of the Boston skyline: Aside from the deep artistic significance of this project (it's postmodern, all right?), Tuftonians would be able to appreciate the view despite Boston's frustrating weather.
9. A 4/20 countdown clock: 45 days and counting, man!
8. More grass: Seriously, how are we supposed to play ultimate Frisbee with only two small patches of grass? And it's good for the environment. Ever heard of a green roof? We haven't either, but this is probably what they are all talking about. Frisbees, that is.
7. A gold statue of Natalie Portman: You know how Harvard has a statue of John Harvard (or whoever that old dude is) that students rub for good luck before midterms? Well, it's about time Tufts had its own good luck charm. You can guess which part(s) you have to rub for good luck.
6. A Boston area college student petting zoo: In case you only have a little bit of time but want to get the full experience of college kids from the Boston area, a petting zoo would be the perfect idea. In order to turn a quick profit, the library staff would sell 12-packs of Natural Ice to feed them. Don't put your fingers near the Emersonians' cage: They're feisty when taken out of the studio.
5. A hookah bar: Add a few tables and we've got this already. It's not the library roof if there aren't at least a few Europeans passing one around, so why don't we just formalize it? Just think, we can already buy alcohol with points, why not lung cancer? Blueberry-flavored lung cancer!
4. An ice-skating rink: This weekend marks the first-ever installation of a temporary ice skating rink for the Winter Carnival. But why not make it a permanent fixture? Surely there's no spot with a more romantic view that's more convenient for a slippery midterm study break. Take that, frog pond!
3. A refugee camp: With the arrival of the dreaded housing lottery, why not let the 1500s group and juniors avoid the agony of temporary homelessness by offering a better solution? Tents on the roof would be a wonderful new housing option, not to mention a potential active citizenship project!
2. A public masturbation souvenir photo-op: When you visit Amish Country or Disney World, they have those fun plywood stand-ups that you and your friends can put your faces in, so it looks like you're farming or something equally stupid. Well, now you and your friends can look like you're caught in the act, right near the scene of the crime! The only question left is who gets to be the unsuspecting victim attempting to do chem homework or the mysterious man with an encyclopedia on his lap.
1. A laser cannon: The one great failing of our present cannon is that we can't actually shoot it at Cambridge. A laser cannon would solve this problem. Plus, we could defend Boston from Godzilla-sized monsters bent on destroying the John Hancock Tower! Pachoo-pachoo!
-compiled by the Daily arts department
10. A painting of the Boston skyline: Aside from the deep artistic significance of this project (it's postmodern, all right?), Tuftonians would be able to appreciate the view despite Boston's frustrating weather.
9. A 4/20 countdown clock: 45 days and counting, man!
8. More grass: Seriously, how are we supposed to play ultimate Frisbee with only two small patches of grass? And it's good for the environment. Ever heard of a green roof? We haven't either, but this is probably what they are all talking about. Frisbees, that is.
7. A gold statue of Natalie Portman: You know how Harvard has a statue of John Harvard (or whoever that old dude is) that students rub for good luck before midterms? Well, it's about time Tufts had its own good luck charm. You can guess which part(s) you have to rub for good luck.
6. A Boston area college student petting zoo: In case you only have a little bit of time but want to get the full experience of college kids from the Boston area, a petting zoo would be the perfect idea. In order to turn a quick profit, the library staff would sell 12-packs of Natural Ice to feed them. Don't put your fingers near the Emersonians' cage: They're feisty when taken out of the studio.
5. A hookah bar: Add a few tables and we've got this already. It's not the library roof if there aren't at least a few Europeans passing one around, so why don't we just formalize it? Just think, we can already buy alcohol with points, why not lung cancer? Blueberry-flavored lung cancer!
4. An ice-skating rink: This weekend marks the first-ever installation of a temporary ice skating rink for the Winter Carnival. But why not make it a permanent fixture? Surely there's no spot with a more romantic view that's more convenient for a slippery midterm study break. Take that, frog pond!
3. A refugee camp: With the arrival of the dreaded housing lottery, why not let the 1500s group and juniors avoid the agony of temporary homelessness by offering a better solution? Tents on the roof would be a wonderful new housing option, not to mention a potential active citizenship project!
2. A public masturbation souvenir photo-op: When you visit Amish Country or Disney World, they have those fun plywood stand-ups that you and your friends can put your faces in, so it looks like you're farming or something equally stupid. Well, now you and your friends can look like you're caught in the act, right near the scene of the crime! The only question left is who gets to be the unsuspecting victim attempting to do chem homework or the mysterious man with an encyclopedia on his lap.
1. A laser cannon: The one great failing of our present cannon is that we can't actually shoot it at Cambridge. A laser cannon would solve this problem. Plus, we could defend Boston from Godzilla-sized monsters bent on destroying the John Hancock Tower! Pachoo-pachoo!
-compiled by the Daily arts department
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